Life's Celebrations

Life is good and full and rich! We are choosing to celebrate the time that we have together--whether it be an hour, a day, or a year. This year, we celebrated three whole years with our precious Claire Bear. She continues to add such spice and joy to our lives. She can dance... oh, that girl can dance! I'm convinced that some day we may just see her on "Dancing with the Stars". She prefers upbeat, pop music when we're cruising around town and how I laugh as she closes her eyes as she waltzes to "ballet" music.

This year, we had a small party for her at Miss Mamie's cupcakes. She and her cousin, Harper Ann, got all dolled up for the occasion. She loves anything princess and any jewelry. Man, we are in big trouble! She wore heels to the party and came home with a purse and more bling. She is something else, but I love that little munchkin to pieces. I could eat her up, just like my red velvet cupcake! She's sweet and full of life!

This year, we also celebrated my 29th birthday. I know, I don't look a year over 25! This birthday was hands down one of my favorites. John made me feel so incredibly special and honored. My parents and in laws also went above and beyond to make this year special. We did all of my favorite things--breakfast at Starbucks, planting in the yard, a Spring Festival with the kids, and a dinner on the town with our close friends. I teared up that night, as I reflected on how truly blessed I am to be surrounded by family and friends that had walked with us in the valley and now have come alongside us as we scale the mountain. God is faithful; He is good; we celebrate life in this family!

I Did It!

Yes, Cancer may have left my body weakened for awhile, but my spirit continues to rise and my body is getting stronger each day. Thank you, Lord--to you be the glory! I have enjoyed running since college. I started small. Initially, I ran around our school loop and then increasingly build up my distances. Having a cross country runner for a roommate and dating a track athlete helped fuel my passion. Little by little, I started to develop a passion for pushing myself and running further than I imagined. In 2001, I ran my first half marathon, the Indy 500. It was amazing; everything I had hoped for and more. I loved the runners' high, the feel of the crowds, the exhilaration of pushing myself, and the satisfaction of completing 13.1 miles. In the next couple of years, I completed three more half marathons in Indianapolis and Nashville, each time a new memory was made and a new accomplishment was attained. However, my long distance running ebbed once I started having babies and then when I was about to pick it up again, I got cancer.

Fast forward a couple of years, I set out this January to distance run for my health, but more importantly to remind myself that I would run because I could. I would run with purpose and with heart. I would run for those who had lost their cancer battle and for those who were still fighting their battle. It was an honor and privilege to run again. This half marathon, it wasn't about my time or how well I had trained instead it was about sharing this experience with my close friend, Katie Weber. We challenged each other to run, to not give up, and to honor others we loved each mile. It was beautiful, it was a new beginning. It was so rewarding to see hug my family on the fifth mile and to see them all cheering us on at the finish line! I'm back, and I will keep running!

15 Months and Counting

This week marks another milestone; I'm meeting with my oncologist on Thursday for my 15 month check-up. While that may not seem long, the months following my one year remission mark have really been beneficial. I'm finally starting to feel like I am putting some space between cancer and myself. I still think about cancer each and everyday, but I'm not paralyzed by the fear that it's coming back as I once was. I've started to let go more and to just allow myself to really be present. However, in the days leading up to my appointment, I find myself growing increasingly anxious. Nervous of a bad blood count, an unexpected nodule that they detect, anything that would signal cancer. I know where my hope lies, I know that my future is secure, yet I worry. I was reminded this week in an excerpt from Jesus Calling that worry is "rebellion against God". The weight of this truth really hit me. When I chose to let worry reign, I'm telling God that He is not enough that I can fight this battle on my own. I chose to trust Him and experience His peace rather than worry and feel defeated.

Missing this Outlet

With the best of intentions, I wanted to revive this blog last fall after a long hiatus due to cancer. It just didn't happen. All good things--more time at home with the family, more investments in friendships, more lounging while watching HGTV, less doctor's visits, and more time to exercise. I've realized just how much I enjoy writing my thoughts out on this blog. It's an outlet to share my thoughts, to remember the sweetness and challenges of this season of parenting, and to celebrate the small successes of making it further and further from my cancer diagnosis and treatment. We've had a wild winter here in the Georgia. I never imagined that my kids would experience 3-4 inches of snow not once but twice this winter. We usually get a dusting of snow most winters, but it's 1/2" to 1" tops. As you know, it shuts down the South...the grocery stores are packed, the bread and milk aisles are bare, schools shutdown, and traffic is ridiculous. It doesn't hold a candle to my Northern friends and those who are covered in snow for 6 months of the year. It's fun for us to be couped up for a couple of days and then to emerge only to experience a 60 degree day just a couple of days later. We've made the most of our snow days. The kids are ready to go first thing...to sled, to build a snowman, to just experience this winter wonderland. It's amazing. It's breathtaking to see the trees covered with the splendor of fresh snow. It's funny to see the make-shift sleds that we create to have a faux sled ride. Here are some of my favorite pictures from Southern Snowmaggedon--Sledding, Movies, and a Warm Fire.

The Reality of Cancer

My heart has been heavy the last couple of days. Allie Armstrong, a college friend and sister in Christ, lost her battle to Leukemia on Monday. It's hard to put into words the emotions that I have been feeling. I've been very raw...realizing that cancer really does suck! I'm not one for language, but that adequately conveys just how I feel about cancer. It just doesn't make sense. Cancer really does take dear loved ones; that reality breaks my heart! My friend Allie showed such strength, such hope and resolve in the Lord despite a dim outlook. She battled hard and continued to do life for 18 long months--in and out of hospitals, living at MD Anderson getting treatment and trying different trial drugs. All this while being away from her three young daughters and husband while being treated. I remember the feeling of isolation and the guilt for not being able to be a mom or wife. I remember watching the world go on around me and feeling so disillusioned by my body--wanting to be in the moment, but unable to physically do it. I imagine that is likely how she felt, but to a much greater extent. I know she is free of the intense chemo drugs, the awful side-effects of cancer. For that I am thankful, she is able to sit at the feet of Jesus!! My heart still mourns deeply and desperately for her husband, her sweet, young daughters--only 8, 5, and 3, her parents, and her friends. This just doesn't seem right in my head. I know that the Lord can handle our broken hearts. He is in the business of caring for widows and orphans. He is celebrating Allie's homecoming. I'm glad I serve a God that can deal with my raw emotions and remind me that He is still God. His ways are not mine. I will trust Him still. Please pray for the Armstrong and Kura families! May Allie's light continue to shine and her faith in Jesus inspire others.

Our New Normal

It's been such a long time since I've written on this blog. Too long. However, life in the last year has been anything but normal. Up to this point, this blog was primarily focused on chronicling our lives and the addition of our two littles, John Parker and Claire. Most of my entries were light-hearted and full of joy. I have always been one that has valued authenticity, so I did my best to share the ups and downs of motherhood. This last year, our lives took a turn that I never expected. One that I find myself still wrestling with on certain days. In July 2012, I had my thyroid removed due to it being grossly enlarged. It wasn't cancerous, but there was enough of a health risk to necessitate having it removed. It was there that the surgeon found cancer lying underneath my thyroid in my lymph nodes. I was diagnosed with Nodular Schlerosing Hodgkins Lymphoma on July 23, 2012. Our world was shaken, we grappled to make sense of this. I struggled to to be a wife and mother to my two little ones amidst 4 months of rigorous, intense chemotherapy. I learned more about what faith looks like in the last year through this intensely refining period. I've asked alot of questions, I've wrestled with more recently the question of "why cancer, why me, Lord?". I've seen the provision of the Lord through the love and caring of so many family and friends during my cancer journey. On our darkest days, others were the hands and feet of Jesus to us in ways that so beautifully depicted His love. Here we are today. I'm 9 months out from my chemotherapy (insert happy dance here). I'm finally at the place where I call myself a survivor. I'm celebrating that I've had 9 more months with my family and others. I'm beginning to feel like myself again and am sporting a crazy, curly hairdo post treatment. I've learned to not sweat the small stuff as much, to cherish moments that I have, to recognize that every day is a gift. I don't know how many days I have, but I know that the Lord has my days numbered. At 34, I feel like I've learned many life lessons earlier than I planned. However, I'm grateful that I can now put them into practice while I'm young. It feels good to be back blogging. Needless to say, this blog will likely become intensely more real and authentic, it will document our littles as they grow, but it will also be a place where I can share my thoughts as I move forward as a cancer survivor. Thanks for listening and for reading!

Guess what we're doing?

Yes, I will keep this post very "G" for our viewing audience. I know John Parker is going to kill me for posting these in a couple of years, but I will fondly remember June as our "Potty Training" month. A day before John Parker's 3rd birthday, he decided he wanted to "Go on the Potty" since his buddy James did. We took his lead. No more diapers, just big boy undies or his birthday suit as you can see from these pics. It's been an adventure. The first few weeks were pretty fantastic, I wish I could say that same of the last few weeks. I guess the newness has worn off... These pictures pretty much captured those days at home learning to use the "loo".:)

It's Gymbo Time

For J.P.'s birthday, we invited a few family and friends to Gymboree to party with Gymbo (the Gymboree clown/mascot), if you aren't familiar. A big thanks to Grandma, Grandpa, the Branscombs, Clarks, Hunters, and Weber families for coming to the party. John Parker loved having all of his buddies there to celebrate. I loved that we wore the kids out by playing hard for an hour and then loaded them up with sugar and sent them home. Sorry, parents!!! Laura, the instructor, came up with great games to engage all the kids and she had a way with making the kids smile. I loved watching the kids play "Monkeys Jumping on the bed" and watching the babies and toddlers chase after the bubbles. There is a sweet innocence about these younger years that I just love. I was one happy mommy being able to have fun and then walk away with no mess or clean-up. Now, that's how a party should be--fun for the kids and adults! :)

The Wild Threes

Our little man is 3! He's been telling friends and family that he's 3 for months now. Perhaps, to prepare his momma for his big day! :) I'm not sure what to make of three. I've heard it's a mixed bag full of sweetness and personality along with challenges due to attitude and preferences. I thought it quite fitting to head to the zoo to kick off what will likely be a wild year. We loved having Grandma and Grandma along for the adventure. It was mid 70 and sunny that day, so the zoo was packed. John Parker picked out his Kermit shirt and shoes. Man, does that boy like to choose his clothes. Claire was quite happy pushing the stroller or sipping on some apple juice.

Here we go. Bring on three!

Ducks, Ducks, and more Ducks

A new favorite past time for the kids and I is to go to Laurel Park and feed the ducks. It reminds me of feeding the birds in Northern Michigan with my grandma. There's just something about feeding the birds that makes me feel like a little girl all over again. I love being resourceful and using my old bread to feed and nourish something rather than just tossing it in the trash. I caught some of the cutest pictures of the kids that day. John Parker loved to toss the bread to all of his feathered friends. He even felt sorry for the one lone squirrel that was roaming for handouts among the geese. That's my little guy! Claire didn't know quite what to make of the quacking feathered friends coming straight for her, especially the territorial hissing type.