15 Months and Counting

This week marks another milestone; I'm meeting with my oncologist on Thursday for my 15 month check-up. While that may not seem long, the months following my one year remission mark have really been beneficial. I'm finally starting to feel like I am putting some space between cancer and myself. I still think about cancer each and everyday, but I'm not paralyzed by the fear that it's coming back as I once was. I've started to let go more and to just allow myself to really be present. However, in the days leading up to my appointment, I find myself growing increasingly anxious. Nervous of a bad blood count, an unexpected nodule that they detect, anything that would signal cancer. I know where my hope lies, I know that my future is secure, yet I worry. I was reminded this week in an excerpt from Jesus Calling that worry is "rebellion against God". The weight of this truth really hit me. When I chose to let worry reign, I'm telling God that He is not enough that I can fight this battle on my own. I chose to trust Him and experience His peace rather than worry and feel defeated.